Road Trip

We finally have the internet!  I’m sure this post would have been a lot funnier if I could have written it right after the road trip, but luckily I made some notes along the way and will be able to recall the important stuff.  For those of you that don’t know, Clayton and I packed up the car with our two cats, Kaya and Donovan, and drove from Austin to Jacksonville.  It is about a 17 hour drive if you don’t stop to sleep which, as my mother-in-law was kind enough to point out, we aren’t as young as we used to be so we had to stop to sleep.  It turned out to be about a 20 hour trip.  Ella flew out with Clayton’s mom and step-father a couple of days later.

First and foremost, traveling with cats is a nightmare.  We had decided that we should get them a crate large enough to be comfortable for a cross country trip, but when we got to the pet supply store the clerk informed us that you don’t want something too big otherwise they will go to the bathroom.  It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they might NOT go to the bathroom for over 17 hours, but apparently if kept in a small enough space animals will ‘hold it’ as not to mess up their living space.  This turned out to be false.  Donovan peed before we got to Houston.  Needless to say, the smell of the Louisiana swamps was a welcome relief from the rancid scent that is cat urine.  Aside from Donovan peeing, the cats did pretty well and by that I mean they are still alive despite Kaya’s incessant attempts to squeeze her head through 1-inch spaced metal bars for hours on end.  Kaya’s endurance was impressive, she howled almost all the way to Alabama; only stopping when the car stopped.   For some reason Clayton thought this would be the perfect time to call the various internet and cable providers in the Jacksonville area to set up services.  I can only imagine the horror on the faces of the call center representatives when a monotone, low and slow talking man calls to inquire about internet and TV bundles while he is surely killing cats.  The only thing funnier than imagining what the representatives at AT&T thought, was the look of terror on Clayton’s face every time we smelled something horrible in the car.  He was utterly terrified that the cats would poop in the crate (they never did).  Once we got to Alabama we gave the cats some canned food and they slept the remainder of the drive.  I know you’re thinking that maybe they were just hungry for the prior 12 hours, but I’m pretty sure it had more to do with the fact that Clayton slipped them a little bit of Benadryl.  All in all, the trip with the cats was horrible and we kept naming people we knew in the various states that we could drop them off with, but we didn’t.  And now we are in our new home where Donovan is marking his territory on every piece of furniture we own.  NEAT.

As I mentioned before, we had to stop to sleep.  We didn’t leave town until after 4:30 PM, so it wasn’t surprising that we only made it to Baton Rouge before we had to stop.  Up until this point I had been thinking about where we would stop to sleep.  The side of the road seemed sketchy as did any rest stop.  Everyone knows if you’re looking to get murdered then you should sleep at a rest stop.  So when we saw the sign for Love’s truck stop it seemed perfect.  People sleep at truck stops all the time, they are well lit, so it must be safe.  I would like to take this moment to thank Love’s truck stop for being safe enough to sleep outside of but not actually safe enough to go in to.  Maybe it was the fact that it was a combination truck stop, Arby’s, and casino.  Or maybe it was the fact that it was right across the street from a strip club.  All I really know is that we saw a girl at 2:30 AM buy a bag full of stuffed animals then go pump gas and smoke a cigarette at the same time.  Stay classy Louisiana. 

Next, we rolled into Biloxi, Mississippi where I picked up Aunt Flo.  As if sitting in the car for that long after eating a steady diet of beef jerky and Red Bull wasn’t uncomfortable enough.  Oh and did I mention I rode the entire trip with a small ice chest between my feet because the back was too full to fit the food and drinks we packed?  My back was killing me.  However, the people in Biloxi were some of the friendliest people I’ve encountered.  This is especially surprising since my hair was ratty from sleeping upright in the car and I was wearing the faint scent of cat piss, I undoubtedly looked like a drug addict coming down from a bender.  I wouldn't be surprised if the gas station attendant prayed for me after I purchased that box of tampons.  We decided this was a good time to make more bad decisions and stop in for breakfast at McDonald’s.  The guy working the McDonald’s drive thru at 5 AM was hands down the nicest fast food employee I’ve ever interacted with (I’m sure much to the chagrin of the patrons waiting behind us in the drive thru line).  He asked us if we were moving and where to, then he told us about his cross country move, and then he asked if there was anything else he could get for us and, Clayton and I are both pretty sure, he offered us some strawberries.  BUT we are also pretty sure that isn’t what he offered because I’ve never seen any fresh produce at a McDonald’s.

 

After filling up on our wholesome breakfast we got sleepy again and decided to pullover somewhere in Alabama until the sun came up.  Then we headed back on the road.  The rest of the trip was pretty boring.  Breakfast numero dos at around 8:30 AM consisted of Diet Coke, Fritos, and Bean Dip.  It should also be noted that the religious right has a firm grip on billboard advertising in the panhandle of Florida which really prepared me for the surplus of camouflage, rhinestones, and floral print that Florida residents brandish. 

For all the trouble moving was, that first day on the beach with Ella was exquisite.